What not to do to keep your marriage happy?

I immensely believe in the science behind the theories of positive psychology . The basic theme in this school of science is to focus on what is going right, and use that energy to create changes that you want in life. I read a positive psychology research yesterday related to types of behavior in a marriage or a committed relationship that is worth sharing with all of you.

As per the findings, four types of behavior that lead to a unhappy relationship, seperation or divorce are:

1- Contempt – ” You are lucky that you are married to me. No one else has the patience to tolerate you.”

2- Negative Criticism – “Please don’t bother to cook ever again. Look at the mess you make. Why are you so such a kid?”

3- Stonewalling – ” Enough. I am not interested in discussing this further. I am like this and I am not going to chnage. So live with it.”

4- Defensive behavior – ” Yeah right. I am late. What about those zillions time when we get late because of you? Does that not count?

Many times we hurt people we love the most when we decide to operate out of an insecure place within our being . A place where we feel threatened, belittled or misunderstood; a place where ego conquers compassion, and self-pity kills love. We end up behaving in the ways  mentioned above only to make things worse for our loved ones.

We reach this dark place quite often in life. What do we do when we reach that place where unhappiness and loneliness are permanent residents? Get out in seconds. Don’t waste days sitting there knowing each minute that you do not belong there. Above all, the person you love does not deserve to be dragged to such a hopeless and lifeless place.

So stop digging the past and saying things you would later regret saying. Take a few deep breaths and give a big hug to that person who loves you so much.  Nothing good comes out of a negative state of mind. Think about the positive things that relation has added to your life and calmly communicate your feelings. There is nothing that a good talk with a hot cup of coffee cannot resolve!

Let your partner breathe in your love so that your heart becomes stronger.

Happy loving!

 

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One Dark Line- My journey to motherhood 

 

There are many couples who go through a very tough time while trying to conceive a baby. By god’s grace, our journey to the parenthood land was quite trouble-free and short. Still in those few early months of trying, I would get disappointed by a negative pregnancy home test. That one dark line instead of two would make me feel helpless.

Even though we both were not really desperate for a child and had given us a few years to make our wish come true before ringing the warning bell but at times social pressure, and fear of not being able to become a mother would take me to a sad place.

Whenever I feel that I am in a place of insecurity or fear, I try to express my feelings through words. That is how and where this poem came alive, from a place of helplessness, insecurity, and sadness.

~~~~~

One dark line,

Your sharpness cuts me through,

Your darkness pulls me in,

Into a deep dark insanity,

Where all hope dies.

With your loneliness,

You bring along grief and sorrow,

That I try to fight.
You can’t enslave me,

Your heartlessness,

Your pathetic existence,

Is not stronger than my desire.

I will succeed,

In creating your mirror image,

I will complete you,

Make you come alive,

With a heart that,

Beats so strong,

That your single dead existence,

Will transform into a,

Beautiful timeline.

~~~~

People tell me that I try too hard in life maybe that’s why I changed that one dark line into two beautiful little girls, Maheera and Inaya.

Good luck to everyone who is in this phase of life where your strongest wish is to become a parent. Stay positive and stress free. It will happen for you sooner than you think. Good luck and God bless!

 

Image source: https://www.facebook.com/bigleyphotography

A game of hide and seek

When you live in the shadows of life,

Day becomes a game of hide and seek,

Where you hide,

From the dreams,

You need to seek.

~~~~

20141226-142702.jpg

Happy Dreaming!

Epiphanies- part 4

Sharing a few ” Aha” moments ~~

~~What others expect of you matters only if you feel insecure within your soul. Otherwise, those expectations do not matter in your mind and heart. When you feel secure, you absorb only what you think will add positively to your life.

~~ You can be whatever you want to be. Good or bad. A visionary or a worker. A thinker or a doer. Polite or rude. You have every emotion in you. So whatever you are today is by choice and not by accident.

~~ Every dream matters, even if it is small and ambiguous. In reality, most dreams start small. Slowly slowly layers get added, and at times deleted before your holistic vision comes together.

~~ It is extremely important to enjoy every journey to completely absorb any achievement. If you will not learn to enjoy the journey, any achievement will only feed your ego and not build your character. It is not about becoming something in life, it is about building a strong character, brick by brick, everyday . A character of strength, dignity, morals that is grounded in the realities of spirituality, and a sense of giving.

Happy evolving!

You are a sinner and a saint

You are a sinner and a saint,
You choose to be either,
On each day,
Your choice defines your day.

Your day.

Is it loaded with greed?
Or is there an angel in your prayer?
Then there are those days,
When the sinner cripples the saint,
Makes you believe that you are his slave,
I am in your blood. In your genes. He says.

Why me?
Saint in you cries for help,
Holding tight to its essence,
Shouts with all its power,
I am not afraid, My resilience is enough to fight your evil.

Sinner fades away. That day.

And that day, your saint wins.

It has won every day so far,

But are you afraid of the day,
When your soul makes the wrong choice,
And the Saint in you loses the war?

No no,
I know you will not let that happen,
Your resilience is stronger than this war.

A big huge welcome to my daughters!

I am very happy to share a great news with all of you!

Almost three months back, we were lucky to be blessed with twin girls! I and Puneet are enjoying parenthood immensely.

This poem is for you, Maheera (means full of energy) and Inaya (compassion/empathy):

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I raise you my dear daughters,

with all the love I have,

to let you be,

who you are,

to help your soul shine,

in the deepest darkest hour.

~

I raise you my dear daughters,

with all the positive energy I have,

to help you evolve,

be more than what you can be,

to seek whatever your heart desires.

~

I raise you my dear daughters,

with all the wisdom I have,

to help you choose your own path,

to teach you to never quit the journey,

rather enjoy it to the fullest,

and keep moving on.

~
I raise you my dear daughters,

with all the courage I have,

I promise to support you in all your journeys,

always love you with all my heart,

So run as fast you can,

never worry,

I always got your back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Broken pieces of life

I don’t look back in life, 

But at times those broken pieces of life,

Shine like a mirror reflecting light,

Blur my vision,

And shout,

We still exist,

You can ignore us,

But we will rise again and again,

Till our presence shatters your future.

~~

I smile and say,

Ghosts from my past,

I am not fighting you,

I choose my battles,

You are not worth a fight,

You are a memory of a void,

A void that no longer exists.

So, reappear as often as you want,

Your presence is inconsequential,

Live with that,

or better,

die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Living!!

 

Recognise your Inner Critic and how it Works

A must read.

Find your inner critic and throw it in the bin people!

Dr Nicholas Jenner

“I am really driven, but my drive doesn’t affectthe conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.” Zach Braff .
The concept of an inner critic is well knownbut most people have to deal with more than one manifestation. There might be one that attacks you for doing too much ofsomething and another who then berates you for being lazy. The advice would be to work with each separately. I will now look at the types of inner critic that can pop up.
We all know it, only too well. It’s that inner voice, that “inner critic,” that seems always present and always keenly preparedto defeat us. When we feel happy, the voice says: “Yeah, this can’t last.” When we’re about to attempt something, it whispers: “Watch out. You’re gonna fail.” And when we do succeed, the voice dismisses: “That was just luck…

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