A chance to write your Success Blueprint

How to createExtraordinary Success through the Happiness route in 66 days?-3

Hi Friends,

I have not been able to post anything recently as have been busy with my venture. I really miss blogging and will be back here soon.

For now, I wanted to share something with all of you. I am holding an online workshop this weekend, 3rd/4th June (multiple slots) so you can join from any location.

Please click the link below to know the details: https://app.webinarjam.net/register/40366/7c299c71ce

Hope to see you there.

Happy Evolving,

Baldeep Kaur

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Ignorance is NOT bliss

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Empty people,

do not fill me up,

with your ignorance,

because whoever said ignorance is bliss,

was ignorant of  what  bliss feels like.

Bliss is my daughter’s laughter,

Bliss is a loving touch,

Bliss is my self-belief,

Bliss is a friend’s kind words.

Ignorance is hatred,

Ignorance is hurt,

And above all,

Ignorance is a disease,

that spreads like wildfire.

HAPPY EVOLVING!

How to handle negative comments about your child?

Intelligent. Unfriendly. Happy. Smart. Loner. Cute. Too mature. Angry. Kind. Loving.

I have heard all these adjectives from people while they are trying to describe my children, my twin girls who are one year old. As a mother, I have experienced the entire spectrum of emotions in the past one year when I have been on the receiving end of such an analysis of my twin girls. From feeling exuberant to being extremely shocked and not know how to react, I have been at every possible emotional junction where I have wondered how people are so quick to judge children.

We all are familiar with those well-defined, strictly bordered ideas of how I person should be; those tiny stifling boxes where every single identity needs to fit in so that the world can make some sense of you. Even a one year old baby is put into these slots that are socially understandable. It is unbelievable.

As a parent our first instinct is to protect or defend our child but sometimes, with that, there is another feeling that creeps in which is why don’t we “fix” her so that she becomes socially admirable because someone deep down we want everyone to like our child so that she gets acceptability from everyone.

But is that even possible that every person she meets will understand her uniqueness and love her for what she is?

May be not..

It is not possible that everyone will give our child the kind of acceptability she deserves. She will also have, just like us, those few who will love her immensely, stand by her and love her for who she is. I feel there can be nothing more beautiful than to have a few strong pillars in a life than to have an entire fragile fort.

But then what about those negative people and negative situations? As a parent, how do we handle those judgmental comments?

I found a solution yesterday.

Let’s change our perspective and the world around us will change for good.

First of all, as adults we have to learn to be kind and acceptable towards other kids. We have to shed our social conditioning of judging others and put them into slots. We need to learn to accept them for who they are. So they are not bratty or angry or happy, they are kids who are expressing themselves. That’s it.

Secondly, let’s not compare our child to the neighbors kid or to our relative’s child and make her feel lesser of what she is. There is nothing more hurtful for a child than being told by a parent that you are not good enough .

Thirdly, communicate with our child. Help her express every emotion, whether happy or sad. Let her feel comfortable in expressing her anger, frustration, sadness; rather encourage her to do that so that she knows that it is okay to feel a little down.

Above all, we don’t have to protect our child from anyone’s judgments. Neither should we offer explanations to anyone for her choices to anyone nor should we try to fix her in any way. Never.

We just have to let her shine in her own light; the way she wants to. All we need to be is grateful for the love and warmth she has brought into our lives, and stand beside her like a rock to see her grow from strength to strength, at her own terms. Happy parenting! 

 

What not to do to keep your marriage happy?

I immensely believe in the science behind the theories of positive psychology . The basic theme in this school of science is to focus on what is going right, and use that energy to create changes that you want in life. I read a positive psychology research yesterday related to types of behavior in a marriage or a committed relationship that is worth sharing with all of you.

As per the findings, four types of behavior that lead to a unhappy relationship, seperation or divorce are:

1- Contempt – ” You are lucky that you are married to me. No one else has the patience to tolerate you.”

2- Negative Criticism – “Please don’t bother to cook ever again. Look at the mess you make. Why are you so such a kid?”

3- Stonewalling – ” Enough. I am not interested in discussing this further. I am like this and I am not going to chnage. So live with it.”

4- Defensive behavior – ” Yeah right. I am late. What about those zillions time when we get late because of you? Does that not count?

Many times we hurt people we love the most when we decide to operate out of an insecure place within our being . A place where we feel threatened, belittled or misunderstood; a place where ego conquers compassion, and self-pity kills love. We end up behaving in the ways  mentioned above only to make things worse for our loved ones.

We reach this dark place quite often in life. What do we do when we reach that place where unhappiness and loneliness are permanent residents? Get out in seconds. Don’t waste days sitting there knowing each minute that you do not belong there. Above all, the person you love does not deserve to be dragged to such a hopeless and lifeless place.

So stop digging the past and saying things you would later regret saying. Take a few deep breaths and give a big hug to that person who loves you so much.  Nothing good comes out of a negative state of mind. Think about the positive things that relation has added to your life and calmly communicate your feelings. There is nothing that a good talk with a hot cup of coffee cannot resolve!

Let your partner breathe in your love so that your heart becomes stronger.

Happy loving!

 

One Dark Line- My journey to motherhood 

 

There are many couples who go through a very tough time while trying to conceive a baby. By god’s grace, our journey to the parenthood land was quite trouble-free and short. Still in those few early months of trying, I would get disappointed by a negative pregnancy home test. That one dark line instead of two would make me feel helpless.

Even though we both were not really desperate for a child and had given us a few years to make our wish come true before ringing the warning bell but at times social pressure, and fear of not being able to become a mother would take me to a sad place.

Whenever I feel that I am in a place of insecurity or fear, I try to express my feelings through words. That is how and where this poem came alive, from a place of helplessness, insecurity, and sadness.

~~~~~

One dark line,

Your sharpness cuts me through,

Your darkness pulls me in,

Into a deep dark insanity,

Where all hope dies.

With your loneliness,

You bring along grief and sorrow,

That I try to fight.
You can’t enslave me,

Your heartlessness,

Your pathetic existence,

Is not stronger than my desire.

I will succeed,

In creating your mirror image,

I will complete you,

Make you come alive,

With a heart that,

Beats so strong,

That your single dead existence,

Will transform into a,

Beautiful timeline.

~~~~

People tell me that I try too hard in life maybe that’s why I changed that one dark line into two beautiful little girls, Maheera and Inaya.

Good luck to everyone who is in this phase of life where your strongest wish is to become a parent. Stay positive and stress free. It will happen for you sooner than you think. Good luck and God bless!

 

Image source: https://www.facebook.com/bigleyphotography

Epiphanies- part 4

Sharing a few ” Aha” moments ~~

~~What others expect of you matters only if you feel insecure within your soul. Otherwise, those expectations do not matter in your mind and heart. When you feel secure, you absorb only what you think will add positively to your life.

~~ You can be whatever you want to be. Good or bad. A visionary or a worker. A thinker or a doer. Polite or rude. You have every emotion in you. So whatever you are today is by choice and not by accident.

~~ Every dream matters, even if it is small and ambiguous. In reality, most dreams start small. Slowly slowly layers get added, and at times deleted before your holistic vision comes together.

~~ It is extremely important to enjoy every journey to completely absorb any achievement. If you will not learn to enjoy the journey, any achievement will only feed your ego and not build your character. It is not about becoming something in life, it is about building a strong character, brick by brick, everyday . A character of strength, dignity, morals that is grounded in the realities of spirituality, and a sense of giving.

Happy evolving!

You are a sinner and a saint

You are a sinner and a saint,
You choose to be either,
On each day,
Your choice defines your day.

Your day.

Is it loaded with greed?
Or is there an angel in your prayer?
Then there are those days,
When the sinner cripples the saint,
Makes you believe that you are his slave,
I am in your blood. In your genes. He says.

Why me?
Saint in you cries for help,
Holding tight to its essence,
Shouts with all its power,
I am not afraid, My resilience is enough to fight your evil.

Sinner fades away. That day.

And that day, your saint wins.

It has won every day so far,

But are you afraid of the day,
When your soul makes the wrong choice,
And the Saint in you loses the war?

No no,
I know you will not let that happen,
Your resilience is stronger than this war.