How to handle negative comments about your child?

Intelligent. Unfriendly. Happy. Smart. Loner. Cute. Too mature. Angry. Kind. Loving.

I have heard all these adjectives from people while they are trying to describe my children, my twin girls who are one year old. As a mother, I have experienced the entire spectrum of emotions in the past one year when I have been on the receiving end of such an analysis of my twin girls. From feeling exuberant to being extremely shocked and not know how to react, I have been at every possible emotional junction where I have wondered how people are so quick to judge children.

We all are familiar with those well-defined, strictly bordered ideas of how I person should be; those tiny stifling boxes where every single identity needs to fit in so that the world can make some sense of you. Even a one year old baby is put into these slots that are socially understandable. It is unbelievable.

As a parent our first instinct is to protect or defend our child but sometimes, with that, there is another feeling that creeps in which is why don’t we “fix” her so that she becomes socially admirable because someone deep down we want everyone to like our child so that she gets acceptability from everyone.

But is that even possible that every person she meets will understand her uniqueness and love her for what she is?

May be not..

It is not possible that everyone will give our child the kind of acceptability she deserves. She will also have, just like us, those few who will love her immensely, stand by her and love her for who she is. I feel there can be nothing more beautiful than to have a few strong pillars in a life than to have an entire fragile fort.

But then what about those negative people and negative situations? As a parent, how do we handle those judgmental comments?

I found a solution yesterday.

Let’s change our perspective and the world around us will change for good.

First of all, as adults we have to learn to be kind and acceptable towards other kids. We have to shed our social conditioning of judging others and put them into slots. We need to learn to accept them for who they are. So they are not bratty or angry or happy, they are kids who are expressing themselves. That’s it.

Secondly, let’s not compare our child to the neighbors kid or to our relative’s child and make her feel lesser of what she is. There is nothing more hurtful for a child than being told by a parent that you are not good enough .

Thirdly, communicate with our child. Help her express every emotion, whether happy or sad. Let her feel comfortable in expressing her anger, frustration, sadness; rather encourage her to do that so that she knows that it is okay to feel a little down.

Above all, we don’t have to protect our child from anyone’s judgments. Neither should we offer explanations to anyone for her choices to anyone nor should we try to fix her in any way. Never.

We just have to let her shine in her own light; the way she wants to. All we need to be is grateful for the love and warmth she has brought into our lives, and stand beside her like a rock to see her grow from strength to strength, at her own terms. Happy parenting! 

 

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13 thoughts on “How to handle negative comments about your child?

  1. Ah, you’re amazing! As a kid (still consider myself to be one), I can relate to this on so many levels. And I am glad this is a featured post. I know we should think of our shortcomings first; will it hurt to wish that may more people read this and learn from it? Hope everything’s well with you and yours. 🙂

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  2. Excellent write up, Deepa. You’re so right. Why should we protect our child? We only need to be appreciative and also make sure that when/if they are about to fall, we won’t let them. Till then, let them do the balancing act. Let them know that the world is never too kind and that they could use some seasoning with the kind of varied comments that that they attract. But then again, I was shocked to read that your kids are only one year old! Shucks! How could people pigeon-hole one year old twins into behavioral traits like angry, unfriendly and loner? Sigh!
    Anyways, it was great reading this post and keep writing more.

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    • Thanks for taking out the time to read and comment. I completely agree with your perspective. I hope people understand that nothing good comes out of being negative or by being judgmental.

      Please stay connected.

      Happy evolving!

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    • It has to be a conscious decision at every parent’s end to create an environment where their child feels secure and encouraged to be herself. Especially for a girl child. They should not be raised where they are taught to”adjust”to everybody’s wishes and rules. And she should not be expected to just forget who she is and change herself to be a wife or a daughter-in-law. It is inhuman at so many levels.

      Thanks for reading and always leaving such encouraging comments.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I think we see a reflection of us in our kids and sometimes the reflection isn’t pretty. 😉

      Sometimes it is just the case of wanting to have the best kid around the block. That would make us look like cool parents.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s the thing. The wrong path taken when we want our children to follow our unachieved dreams and also I am dead against the whole notion of competition. A pretty sad reflection, in fact!

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        • Agree. Well, we all take our shortcomings with is in any role, whether it is of a friend or a parent or a spouse. If we don’t evolve, we can never let that special relation thrive because we will never understand the language of growth and learning..

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