I immensely believe in the science behind the theories of positive psychology . The basic theme in this school of science is to focus on what is going right, and use that energy to create changes that you want in life. I read a positive psychology research yesterday related to types of behavior in a marriage or a committed relationship that is worth sharing with all of you.
As per the findings, four types of behavior that lead to a unhappy relationship, seperation or divorce are:
1- Contempt – ” You are lucky that you are married to me. No one else has the patience to tolerate you.”
2- Negative Criticism – “Please don’t bother to cook ever again. Look at the mess you make. Why are you so such a kid?”
3- Stonewalling – ” Enough. I am not interested in discussing this further. I am like this and I am not going to chnage. So live with it.”
4- Defensive behavior – ” Yeah right. I am late. What about those zillions time when we get late because of you? Does that not count?
Many times we hurt people we love the most when we decide to operate out of an insecure place within our being . A place where we feel threatened, belittled or misunderstood; a place where ego conquers compassion, and self-pity kills love. We end up behaving in the ways mentioned above only to make things worse for our loved ones.
We reach this dark place quite often in life. What do we do when we reach that place where unhappiness and loneliness are permanent residents? Get out in seconds. Don’t waste days sitting there knowing each minute that you do not belong there. Above all, the person you love does not deserve to be dragged to such a hopeless and lifeless place.
So stop digging the past and saying things you would later regret saying. Take a few deep breaths and give a big hug to that person who loves you so much. Nothing good comes out of a negative state of mind. Think about the positive things that relation has added to your life and calmly communicate your feelings. There is nothing that a good talk with a hot cup of coffee cannot resolve!
Let your partner breathe in your love so that your heart becomes stronger.