1- You complete me sweetheart!
Your partner in life is not there to complete you, but to complement you at every step. Self-fulfillment comes from different sources in life. One relationship can never complete your life. When we expect that to happen, we start to measure our partner’s love against our set of expectations. If he/she meets my expectations and takes care of my every need and want, he/she loves me otherwise I am out of this relation.
Is this your definition of love?
Food for thought: Yes, you have your partner now to share life, but you also have yourself. Why can’t you complete yourself and let this love be the base to realize your dreams?
2- And they lived happily ever after ….
Yes, there is a happily ever after but you have to work hard for it. You have to set your priorities right and give each other space to evolve. Relationships do not develop in your mind, they grow in your soul, in a deeper essence of being and in kind thoughts. If you want to/control/change/manage your relationship, then it is your ego that is driving your relation and not your heart.
Food for thought: When we fall in love, we feel it in our heart and soul but when it comes to living with your love, we let our intellectual mind do all the talking. Strange, isn’t it?
3- Relationship/Marriage done. Now let’s make babies!!
It is NOT the next obvious thing to do. It is not good to live your life by a pre-determined checklist. It is not easy to align two different lives so please do not add a third angle in a haste. Please plan for it so that you enjoy your child and do not see him/her as a set of responsibilities.
Remember to be a good parent you have to be a good spouse. So do not put your partner on the back seat when you have a child. In life, you will pick and drop many passengers on the way but remember you two are the co-drivers, so stay on the front seats together and keep driving all the love and affection toward each other all the way.
Food for thought: When you fell in love, your day was all about being immersed in that intoxicating feeling of love. Now that you are together, your day is all about everything and everybody, except your love. Why?
4- I bought diamonds for you, honey. Why are you upset?
Please talk about your priorities, likes and dislikes. Please do not get swayed by advertising campaigns and assume that you know what your partner wants. Expressing love is personal so know your partner well before planning a surprise or taking any major life decision.
Basically,ask questions. What kind of city you want to live in? Would you be fine if I take a year off from work to travel? Do you want to have a materialistic or a minimalist approach to life? What kind of holidays do you prefer? What flowers do you like? and yes, do you like diamonds? Trust me there are women who do not care about such things. ( like Me Me 🙂 )
It is important to discuss these things to set right expectations from life and from each other. Being in a relationship does not mean that automatically everything will fall into place. You need to talk about your life goals again and again till you reach a consensus.
5- My mommy is better than your mommy.
Hmmm… I understand if you did this comparison while studying in school and compared your strict mom to your best friend’s cool mom, but at your age, it is a NO NO.
You are starting your new life together and have to manage all your relationships together. There is no my mommy or your mommy now, you are one unit and you both have to take care of four parents. Like I said before, you two are co-drivers so you should take all decisions related to your extended family together.
Again, ask questions & in your discussions replace each ‘I” with “we’ and “your” with “our”in your life. . Which insurance plan should we buy for our dad? Where should we take our parents for dinner on the weekend?
Food for thought: Responsibilities are not divided, but shared in life.
My intention behind writing this post is to make you think about your relationship from a higher viewing point. Sometimes, in the daily grunt every beautiful thing seems normal, but reality is a little different. So,don’t live your relation from one weekend to another or from one vacation to another vacation. Live everyday. Love everyday. Laugh everyday. Happy Evolving!!
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