Recently a woman visited my blog after typing these exact words , ” I am emotionally abused in my marriage, how do I fight back to get my dignity?”.
I am writing this post for her. I don’t know her but I sincerely hope this reaches out to her. I tried to create awareness about emotional abuse by writing posts on signs of emotional abuse and basic behavioral pattern of a victim and an abuser
(helpful links at the end of this post).
Let’s talk about fighting back now.
One thing that I know about that reader is that she realizes that she is a victim and wants to get out of a bad marriage. This means she has already taken the first difficult step.
First step- Accept that you are a victim— There is no reason to feel embarrassed about being a victim. If you will not accept this fact, you will never be able to move on. You will keep on going back to that person hoping for things to improve or keep on blaming yourself for everything. You are not responsible for anything that is happening in your life. Yes, you are a victim and that just means that you are not being treated well and your situation or that relationship is not ACCEPTABLE to you. Accepting this fact, will give you the strength to fight back.
Second step -Breaking the bond- There is a life beyond abuse. No, you don’t have to stay in this relationship for your kids, for your parents or because of any societal pressure. Do you still think your kids are not being abused or your parents are not getting affected by this because you never tell them anything?
I believe in psychotherapy and marriage counselling but it is not an option to pick while living with your abuser. This is my opinion. You both need space and time to work it out.
Even if you are financially dependent, start planning your move out to a safe place. Reach out to non-profit organizations ( links at the end of this article) in your area to take the process forward legally and make sure you are safe (collect evidence and proof of abuse). Do not isolate yourself. Involve your friend or family member you trust the most. With full force, create an impenetrable safety circle around you.
Third step- Be a fighter- This problem will not resolve overnight. You will spend a few years of your life getting out of this situation and dealing with the psychological after effects.
Journey from being a victim, to transforming into a fighter, is very tough but at the same time very empowering. You will be discover your inner strength, courage and determination at each step that you take away from your abuser.
Make a bucket list of things that you want to achieve personally & professionally to stabilize your life, and start walking in that direction asap. Don’t wait for all this to end to start your NEW LIFE.
To that woman who inspired me to write this post. If you want others to respect & love you, please respect & love yourself. The biggest tool that a victim voluntarily gives to his abuser is her dignity, self-respect and inner strength. Take it all back from him with full force and use it to make your life better. Believe me, there is a life beyond abuse.
Links for help:
Learn about emotional abuse- https://inspiringevolution.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/emotional-abuse-is-not-okay/
Why don’t victims leave? – http://inspiringevolution.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/why-domestic-violence-victims-dont-leave/
Help line numbers ( India) – http://jagori.org/resources/helplines/
Help line ( International) – http://sweetmarie9619.wordpress.com/international-domestic-violence-links/