Sania, a 30-year-old working professional knocks at her parent’s door at 1 am. Her mom opens the door. Sania throws her luggage at the floor and runs into her room. Her mom follows her and is deeply worried about Sania’s state.
Sania- I cannot handle this marriage anymore.
Sania’s Mom- Why? What happened? Did you guys have a fight again?
Sania- Again. We fight every day Ma. Jay gets angry at anything I say.
Sania’s Mom- Calm down. Tell me what happened?
Sania- Nothing. Just that I married an egoistic man with no heart. All he is good at is abusing and torturing me. The moment he comes back from office, he throws his things around and sits in front of the television. He does not even bother to ask me how I am doing or how was my day. Why would he? I am just his maid.
Sania’s Mom- Men are like that. Look at your dad. He hardly helps in any household chores. It is your responsibility as a wife to take care of your husband.
Sania- My responsibility .What is his responsibility? To use bad words , yell at me and insult me every day. He blames me for every bad thing that happens in his life. Last year when he lost his job, he blamed me for it. I did not ask him to go and fight with his boss. How is it my fault? I can’t live like this. I have suffered enough.
Sania’s Mom- Relax. It is very common to fight on such small issues. Jay will change his ways. Just tell him politely.
Sania- What do you think I have done for the past 5 years? I have tried everything but he just can’t control his temper. He gets abusive and later he apologies but next day he is back to his abusive behavior. It is like a vicious circle Ma. Yesterday, I reached home an hour late because of work, he yelled at me for 2 hours.I can’t handle his abuses anymore. It hurts Ma.
Sania’s Mom-Hurts.. Did he hit you yesterday? Where did he hit you?
Sania- NO Mom. He did not hit me. Jay has never hit me.
Sania’s Mom- Then what is the problem? He has never hit you, he provides well for the family and he respects us. Sania, be a little realistic. What else do you expect from a relationship?
Sania- I expect respect, dignity, love , happiness and affection. Don’t I deserve that? Is there something wrong with me? He is my husband so he has the right to treat me any way he likes. He is happy only when I do exactly what he wants me to do
Sania’s Mom- I am not listening to any of your nonsense anymore. Go to sleep now. I will call Jay and tell him that you are here.
Sania: There is no need to do that. He does not…
Sania’s Mom- Just go off to sleep. I don’t understand what is wrong with your generation. Yes, one more thing. Your dad will be back tomorrow afternoon from his official trip. I will ask Jay to pick you up before your dad is back home. Let’s not turn this into a big issue when nothing happened. If your dad comes to know about this, he will be very angry at you. .
The situation depicted above is a serious case of an emotionally abusive relationship. Awareness about emotional abuse is low and some how is not given enough importance in our world. Is it because there is no physical evidence to prove extent of abuse?
The long-term effects of emotional abuse are devastating and can even affect the abused person for the rest of his or her life. Before the burden of an abusive relationship pushes your friend or family member into an isolated corner, reach out and take these three simple steps–
Listen – Support- Guide
To the victims, there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Ask for help and get out of this relationship.
Links for help:
Signs of emotional abuse in children: http://www.teach-through-love.com/emotional-abuse-signs.html
Signs of emotional abuse in adults: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
Help line numbers ( India) – http://jagori.org/resources/helplines/
Help line ( International) – http://sweetmarie9619.wordpress.com/international-domestic-violence-links/
Excellent information pool on abuse. Must visit. http://thelaststraw.wordpress.com/